Five TV Sweeps Stunts You Just Can't Miss

Today is a very special day. No, not because you remembered where you left your car keys. (But good for you!)

Today marks the official start of November sweeps, and that means mega-wattage guest stars, jaw-dropping storylines and a whole lot more headed to your TV! To make sure you don't miss anything, here are the five must-see sweeps stunts we're already drooling over (in no particular order):

1. Gwyneth Gleeks Out! Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow is really truly stopping by McKinley High this fall (as we first reported, thankyouverymuch), and not only is she bringing those tip-tip acting chops, she'll be singing as well! Oh, and she might throw another wrench into the whole Wemma quadrangle, but we know you guys don't care about that at all. Ahem. Maybe if we play our cards right, Gwynnie's gal will ride off into the sunset on that Rocky Horror motorcycle with Carl the Dentist (John Stamos), and Will and Emma will live happily ever after. Also heading to Glee this fall is Kurt's probable-soon-to-be-boyfriend Blaine, played by  future husband in the making Darren Criss. (Check back for our exclusive Q&A with him posting soon.)

2. Jennifer Grey Wins DWTS! Premature, shmeemature! We know talent when we see it, and this Baby's got it. Sure, America (and those darn judges with their wonky score paddles) have the final say, but we're calling it now: Jennifer Grey and her adorably sexy partner Derek Hough will walk away with that coveted mirrorball trophy. She's got the moves, the poise, the grace—heck, she may as well be one of the professionals up there showing the actors how to two-step. One thing we know for sure is that come Nov. 22 and Nov. 23, the only place you'll wanna be is tuning into ABC (and then checking back here for the backstage scoop, of course). 

3. Lights Out on FNL! We hate to see it go, but at least television's underdog savior known as DirecTV is dishing out one more season of our beloved Friday Night Lights. And let us just say this: It. Is. Goood. It really doesn't feel like the final season, which is an unexpected treat. Plus, there's Taylor Kitsch (yep, he's still around), gorgeous newbie Grey Damon (check him out here), and all the Coach and Tami Taylor you can handle. Season five kicked off last night, but there's plenty of FNL fun throughout November, so get on board.

4. Teri Hatcher Plus Superman Forever! Lois Lane's in the hiz-ouse! Something big is happening onSmallville during sweeps when Teri Hatcher (Lois of yesteryear) stops by the CW hit to play Erica Durance, aka present Lois' late mother Ella Lane. "We thought, Who do you get to play Lois' mom?" show runner Brian Peterson tells us. "And everybody just looked at each other and was like, 'Beep, beep—Teri Hatcher!' She's been fantastic." The emotional episode airs Nov. 12, and is centered on Lois discovering old home movies left to her by the then-ailing Ella. Tear.

5. Guest Stars Galore! Nothing spruces up your favorite shows more than a fresh face (preferably a very famous one with a huge fan following!) and lucky for us, the network bigwigs are sparing no expense to deliver this year. Mandy Moore and Ryan Devlin are reprising their emotional season-finale roles on Grey's Anatomy (Oct. 28; Nov. 4), geek goddess Eliza Dushku will sexify The Big Bang Theory (Nov. 4), Nicole Scherzinger is ready to rival Robin Sparkles on How I Met Your Mother (Nov. 15), Hilary Duff will be a very mean girl on Community (Nov. 4), Amber Tamblyn will test House's patience on, well, House (Nov. 8), Sara Rue will visit Rules of Engagement (Nov. 8) and Miranda Cosgrove will turn dramatic on The Good Wife (Nov. 16). Whew!

Hangover Director: Mel Gibson Wasn't Fired!

Like a bumbling bachelor-partygoer who's wondering how he lost his front tooth,Todd Phillips is trying to piece together what really happened.

The director assured reporters Wednesday that Mel Gibson was not hired and then fired from making a cameo inThe Hangover 2.

Rather, Phillips said at a press event forDue Date, the reputation-impaired star "was just doing a favor from the beginning."

PHOTOS: Casting Couch

"No one was ever fired," Phillips insisted. "It's a term that is so obscene to me."

Surely Gibson can teach Phillips some far more obscene terms, but the filmmaker wouldn't give an inch when asked who (i.e., Was it Zach Galifianakis?) on the Hangover team objected to Gibson scoring a snippet of screen time as a Bangkok tattoo artist.

"Someone was doing me a favor to come in for a two-minute cameo, and we changed it," Phillips said simply. "It wasn't like we fired somebody. [Gibson] was just doing a favor from the beginning."

Liam Neeson has since been tapped to do the honors.

E! Online's Marc Malkin was first to confirm that the main castmembers from the first film, minusHeather Graham, will be back for the sequel, which will be shooting in L.A. and Thailand.

New Movie Poll: Who's Ready for a Gory Halloween Weekend With Saw 3D?

As the weekend approaches, you know what that means: new movies.

And with Halloween and all its scary delights upon us, one movie is coming to the forefront: Saw 3D: The Final Chapter.

The saga that defined the horror-torture genre is drawing to a close, and if you're in the mood for a cringe-worthy, gore-filled time at the movies, this flick should be right up your alley.

So what do you think? Ready to get your spooky weekend started with some of those good-old Saw "games"?

Chelsea Handler Uses Ghost Adventures to Predict Charlie Sheen's Afterlife

Forget Paranormal Activity 2. Chelsea Handler is giving us something even creepier—Paranormal Sexual Activity—thanks to reality-tv spookfest Ghost Adventures.

So what does this all have to do with hotel-room trasher Charlie Sheen?

The Office: Amy Ryan's Return Date Officially Set!

Deck those Dunder Mifflin halls with boughs of Holly...Flax!

Amy Ryan's triumphant return the The Office is already in the bag, but the question of when we'll see her lovely face again has remained a mystery—until now...

PHOTOS: TV Couples We Love

Rejoice Hott shippers, because Amy will be back for an adorkable reunion with Michael Scott (Steve Carell) on The Office for this season's one-hour Christmas episode. That means come Thursday, Dec. 9, we'll all be getting an early gift from good ole Santa Claus.

Better yet? This hilarious holiday treat is the brainchild of both Rainn Wilson (Dwight Schrute) and Mindy Kaling (Kelly Kapoor), which equals total comedy brilliance.

"Finishing 'directing' @mindykaling's brilliant double episode 'Classy Christmas,' " Rainn tweeted last week. Adds Mindy: "Multi-hyphenate @rainnwilson and I are nearly done shooting our Christmas special. It's gonna wreck you, Jackass style."

In case your memory is fuzzy, Holly's Dunder Mifflin return was promised to Michael by Jo (Kathy Bates) in last season's finale. Just don't expect sparks to fly again between the one-time lovebirds right off the bat.

"Holly's in a serious relationship back in Nashua, so she's not thrilled to be back," executive producer Paul Lieberstein (Toby Flenderson) told us. "But Michael's not a guy who gives up easily."

So mark your calendars, kiddies. Amy Ryan will be back on our Thursday night lineup soon enough. Are you excited she'll be making a debut just in time for Christmas? Fill us in below, and don't miss the Dec. 9 episode of The Office on NBC.

Jessica Simpson: "Many Times I Wanted to Surrender and Give Up"

Can you blame Jessica Simpson for wanting to pack it in now and then?

"Many times I wanted to surrender and give up," said the star in an interview with USA Today that touched on subjects such as love, self-esteem and the endless scrutiny surrounding her weight.

"But I have a calling in my life," she said. "And if I have to go through that scrutiny, I will."

Acceptance is good, because the spotlight isn't going anywhere.

PHOTOS: Jessica Simpson Fashion Spotlight

"I went through a really hard time a couple years back with people just harping on the pressure of how to look perfect, obviously using me and my weight. It was a tabloid frenzy," Simpson recalled, most likely referring to the infamous mom-jeans photo and the grief she took for it.

"I feel like people are constantly curious as to how much I weigh or what I look like or what I wear...There's no way you're not going to be affected by the ugly things people say about you. It's very hurtful. It definitely brings up a lot of your own insecurities. It takes a great family and wonderful friends—and love definitely helps, too—to get through it."

Speaking of love, since divorcing Nick Lachey in 2006, Simpson has had quite the weird run, from her "sexual napalm"-producing liaison with John Mayer to her ill-fated relationship with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, which culminated in a breakup right before her 29th birthday.

But now the 30-year-old is getting along just fine with retired NFL player Eric Johnson (and the Cowboys are 1-5).

"He definitely makes me very happy," Simpson said. "He brings out a lot of light in me and makes me very comfortable being who I am. It's nice to be with somebody who praises you for the right reasons."

Right now, Simpson says, she's focused on being a good aunt and godmother. But marriage is never too far from her mind.

"I am from the South, so I've definitely dreamed of being married my whole life and having children, so hopefully that's in my future," she said.

Why Does Hollywood Go Easy on Charlie Sheen, but Not Mel Gibson?

Charlie Sheen gets in trouble—again—and nothing happens to him. Meanwhile, Mel Gibson gets fired from a cameo. Why the double standard?

—Emma, via the inbox

From where you sit, all Hollywood freaks must look alike. But there are degrees of freakdom out here, and Sheen's mutation is much less toxic when it comes to his career.

Now marvel as you, too, learn how to tell one loser from another in my friendly guide to Hollywood freaks:

MORE: Full Charlie Sheen coverage

Co-curated by Cover Awards founder Mark Pasetsky, who has edited many a celebrity gossip story.

First, let's parse who's done what. Sheen has been accused several times of getting violent with spouses, including ex-wife Denise Richards.

This past Christmas, he was arrested in connection with an assault against another wife, Brooke Mueller. Sheen was able to plea down the charges and ended up with a misdemeanor. That translated into probation, anger management and community service.

As for the new "trouble" you mention, here it is: Sheen was hospitalized this week after reportedly being found in a hotel room, behaving in what appeared to be an intoxicated manner. (Sheen's mouthpieces have blamed an adverse reaction to medication for Sheen's comportment).

The Two and a Half Men star also may or may not have been naked.

Gibson, meanwhile, has his own circus of a past, including that infamous drunk driving incident, racial slurs, and, most recently, an ongoing parade of leaked phone conversations that include a breathtaking number of threats and verbal abuses against his ex-girlfriend.

The ex, Oksana Grigorieva, also has alleged that Gibson has gotten physical with her, though law enforcement is still looking into the matter, and no charges have been filed.

Both guys are scumbags.

But here are a few differences worth noting.

One: Sheen's latest jape has more of a self-destructive feel to it. He was in a hotel room doing something, but he wasn't, apparently, threatening anyone else. Meanwhile, the domestic violence allegations against Gibson—obviously a matter much more serious than acting crazy in a hotel room—are still unresolved.

But the biggest difference between Sheen's situation and Gibson's has nothing to do with their rap sheets or prejudices.

"We have so much public evidence against Mel Gibson—the voice recordings from the phone calls, the photograph of Oksana—all very, very public stuff," Pasetsky explains to me. "In contrast, it appears that Sheen was able to keep a lot of the evidence against him under wraps by negotiating a plea deal."

In other words, the public hates Gibson more because it has had a more intimate relationship with the evidence against him.

We can listen to it over and over via the Internet. With Sheen, we can read about the stuff he's done, but we have no photos of Mueller's face, no phone calls recording crazy things Sheen may have said to her.

And in this era of sight and sound, that's a deciding factor, whether it's right or not.